time out.

No, Virginia — there isn’t a FOG weekend in 2012.

I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now — today being Groundhog Day and all — but real life got in the way of scheduling a proper FOG party, whether we were talking about this weekend or sometime in the next six weeks of winter Punxsutawney Phil promised us this morning.

Believe me when I say this is the last conclusion we wanted to reach, but, unfortunately, it was the only realistic outcome this time around.

We hope you have a happy Groundhog Day, and we hope that you’re able to observe the weekend in a fashion that would make all of us proud.

hula ala-wakki something something.

There seems to be some consternation about next weekend’s hula contest; specifically, there are concerns about the requirements of the contest.

1. The only requirement is participation. Feel free to invent your own dance to fit your own specifications — standing, seated, whatever you feel works best.
2. The dances will be judged by the assembled elders.
3. There will be a fabulous prize* for the winner.

Need some suggestions? Here’s a fairly straightforward demonstration:

This isn’t actually a hula, but you could take some cues from the University of Hawaii’s football team and their pregame haka:

I have no idea what this one is about, but it seems to demonstrate something important:

And then I’d imagine that many of our dances will end up looking like this:

We’ll have hula-appropriate music at a few different tempos available for your use; if you have something specific in mind, feel free to bring it along.

*Prize not actually fabulous.

it be pronounced!

From the office of the Grandhog:

Aloha hoalohas!

Grandhog Kiwi proclaims that this is the year of AloHog!

Hele mei hoohiwahiwa at the our newest den of iniquity at Mohican in
Loudenville.  Arrive Po’alima* evening and depart Lapule** morning.

Festivities to include all things Hawaiian — grass skirts, leis, boobies in
coconut shell bras, coconuts in general, Hawaiian shirts, a mandatory hula contest, ukuleles, poi, pineapple, Captain Cook, volcanoes, tacky tourists, sand, Spam and that thing where you dance under the stick.

Ed note: That part about the hula contest being mandatory means it is mandatory for all.

Put on a hau’oli face and head for the burrow!

Aloha No Au Ia ‘Oe,

Grandhog Kiwi

*Friday. **Sunday.

stern reminder.

We are one month – just one month — away from FOG Weekend in beautiful Mohican State park.

But more importantly, we are one week — yes, just one week — away from the deadline for all of y’all to let us know if you’re joining us.

Official records show that outside of the sergeant at arms, the song master, the secretary pro-tem and her lovely and talented bodyguard, only one couple has confirmed their plans to attend.

That means there are a bunch of you — including, ahem, the Grandhog — who have yet to let us know whether you’ll be attending. And we need to know your intentions no later than Jan. 10 — we have reserved cabins at Mohican, and that date will just barely allow us time to cancel cabins we don’t need without significant financial penalty.

So, folks — yes or no, by Jan. 10., to one of the following addresses:

Heatherhog: jezebel.deux (at) gmail (dot) com

Mikehog: yourcrappyuncle (at) gmail (dot) com

Kellyhog: garrettkb (at) gmail (dot) com

And we thank you once again for your support.

preview.

We’re going back to Mohican, the weekend of Feb. 4 and 5. It may not be quite as picturesque as it was last year, but we hope to see you there anyway.